Don't Do This At Home

You really have to love the British press.  Even the reputable papers thrive on sensation and a puns. They also love a scantily clad woman.  The Sun has been printing pictures of a topless woman on their infamous page 3 since 1969.

It wasn't the well endowed woman that caught our eye walking by the news stand the other day, but the headline:  

MAN HAS SEX WITH TESCO VALUE LASAGNA

Of course we had to buy it!

There are so many thoughts and questions that a headline like that stirs up but I couldn't even try to read it on the street because I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face and the newspaper was shaking violently in my hands.

I think the key word in the headline is "value" - He didn't go for one of the premium ready meals but instead was looking for the cheapest date possible - 95p.

Once home we were treated to the story on page 5.

Usually the victim of such a crime would be kept anonymous but here is the poor violated lasagna out on display for all of us to judge.  I know ready meals are easy but this is taking it too far.  

Our hero, Vince, makes it very clear that not one of the grocery employees that he encountered on his shopping trip warned him about having sex with a piping hot lasagna.  As if the check out woman should be scanning our groceries and adding advice for each - "A small child could choke on these raisins.  (beep) This milk is near the sell by date.  (beep)  Don't have intercourse with this lasagna after heating.  (beep)…."

The entire newspaper was so full of sex and silliness that Bill has proclaimed that this is NOT REAL!? (booooo! Next he'll say there is no Santa?!) 

 I, on the other hand, would like to think that somewhere in England Vince is plotting his legal strategy to take Tesco down with a single bellend.