Put this year on ICE

Because of the tremendous following we've created, the management team (Jen) has picked up our option. We are happy to announce we will be back in 2011 for a second season of the Jen and Bill Experience.

We started the year with zero followers and through word of mouth and an expensive marketing campaign we've picked up five. We've established a stretch goal in 2011 of 9 followers.

As for today's post, here is another reason why it's great to live in Newburyport. Beautiful day today.

It was nice strolling through town. We ended up at the pier watching the ice drift along in the current.

Happy New Year, the five of you.

Just another gala celebrity lunch

Had lunch with celebrity executive Sandy Lavallee, her love child Oliver (the paternity battle is still raging - will his last name be Pitt or Clooney?), and her entourage. Luckily the paparazzi didn't notice us in the back booth of Stephanie's on Newbury so we only had to deal with a few autograph requests and a couple of psycho stalkers despite the shades. 2011 will be even busier for Sandy as she launches a new line of skin care products, children's organic clothing, and her signature fragrance. They say celebrities are just like us - but who is a fabulous as Sandy??

The coffee table book that will never be

Every year at Christmas time as I ooo and aaah over the houses with lights I say that this is the year I take pictures of all my favorites and make a coffee table book. I have visions of a new career as an expert in Christmas decor, invited as a guest on the Today show to talk about the many uses for holly and electrical tape...

So on my way home from Denise's tonight (after taking pictures of Archie getting a treat and wondering how I was going to come up with anything remotely interesting to say about it) I decided to put my coffee table book photo plan into action.


My dream died quickly after realizing that I have no idea what setting to use or how to frame a photo so as not to get my car side mirror in it. Plus it was very cold at 11:00 pm so just rolling down the car window seemed like too great a sacrifice for glory.

What happened to autofocus?

Vacation days are about matinees and going out to lunch with a girlfriend. Whitney and I did just that, checking out Natalie Portman in Black Swan and then lunch at the Beacon Grille. Despite appearances it was not a liquid lunch....but I think we look cute even when we are unfocused.

It's a good thing we have a garage

...or Bill's car may have gotten snowed on. Hmm...well, it didn't get snowed on as much as mine did. As you can see, the back wall of the "garage" has fallen away and is only held in place by the town's chain link fence. Some day maybe we will be able to drive in and out from both sides.


I don't know the official Newburyport snow amount - we definitely got between 12 and 18 inches. But the real story, of course, is that we didn't lose any of the cairns despite wind gusts of over 50 mph.


Here I am modeling the latest in winter fashions. I was hoping that I looked so pathetic that one of our snow blowing neighbors that we don't talk to during the other 364 days of the year would come to my rescue. Where are those mythical teenagers that roam the streets looking for driveways to shovel for money?

Snow dancing

Needed a picture for tonight so I brought the camera outside while I braved the weather at the beginning of tonights storm. I set up the self timer and pretended I was doing a snow dance. I was getting into it pretty well and took a handful of pictures.

I never noticed that my neighbor, Steve, was walking his dog as I danced in front of the camera taking pictures of myself. He was polite enough to pretend he never saw me and kept walking.

I think my dance worked, by the way. Two feet predicted for our region.

Son of a Nut Cracker, she's cute

Merry Christmas to all our family and friends.

xxxooo Jen and Bill

Aunt Marge sent Jen this sequined gown she found on sale. Doesn't she look celebulous?

I suggested to Jennie that she spend the day in this outfit, but I was told I have to wait until Oscar night or another festive occasion. I think doing the laundry or watching television is a festive enough occasion. Jennifer didn't agree.

Merry Christmas Eve!

We had two Christmases today - one with Bret and the boys in the afternoon (after a Christmas lunch of Yule (Hot) Dogs) and then at Trudi's house with Joey.

Perhaps our biggest surprise gift was when we unwrapped this small boy!


Check out the latest boy band - The MacKays are way cooler than The Jonas Brothers. And we have a boy for every age group to swoon over from the toddler to the teen to the geriatric fan. Something for everyone!


US Magazine Exclusive!!
The paparazzi caught two celebs with the same Gucci sunglasses - Jennie and Petey were both sporting the shades this Christmas. Who wore it best??


One of the most entertaining gifts of the night was Potty Putty - a little bucket of orange goop that sounds like a fart when you stick your hand in. Trudi has a soft spot for all things gaseous. We eventually had to take it away from her so we could move on with opening the gifts. One of her other favorites was a key chain with a recording of Jennie burping.

Best gift overall was "Joey's Greatest Hits" - a cd of Joey singing along with Taylor Swift, Coldplay, James Brown and others. He stayed up all night recording it, just like a rock star.

Santa's Workshop

The holiday art crunch is at it's apex and I'm producing crap faster than Thomas Kinkade and his legion of sweatshop illegals.

Ho Ho Hate Walmart

The holiday season isn't complete for me until I shop at Walmart with Randy.

We spent two hours there tonight, wandering down almost every isle. We always pick up a ball to throw around while we shop. It amuses us.

Randy is among his people at Walmart. Every time I turned around he was in a deep conversation with another shopper. I think every contractor in the area was doing their last minute shopping. And Randy knew them all.

Randy usually treats Walmart like his own kitchen, opening snacks and eating them before we check out. Not this year. He's mellowing.

Also, we took a pair of reading glasses off of the shelf so we could read the fine print of the gifts we bought. That was a first.

I hate Walmart. I don't like how they beat up on the little stores. I don't like shopping in a store with a footprint as large as Gillette Stadium. The Walmart customers make me nervous. Half of them seem like they are looking for the oxycontin isle, the other half look like they are on parole. (And Randy knows these people....?)

Needless to say I've had my share of Walmart for another year.

Idiots in Action

I think I can safely say that this is my least attractive blog post of 2010. What are we doing? Who knows. We often flail in the kitchen for no rhyme nor reason. The original photo was supposed be of me burping into a key chain for Trudi (her "big" gift!) but I had performance anxiety and all my recorded burps were lame. The pictures were dull too since you couldn't tell what I was doing. It's Christmas - shouldn't everyone be dancing in their kitchen??

Vinegar - the miracle cleaner!

We got a pre-Christmas snow today. I worked from home for a dentist appointment (2:30 time to go to the dentist....get it? Tooth-hurty!) but Bill wound up in 3 hours of 128 gridlock from just an inch of white stuff. The good news is that he was on his way to bring Trudi home from the hospital. Four days after back surgery she was walking around the grocery store with Bill stocking up for the week.

Meanwhile, back in Newburyport we had our annual literary festival pot luck dinner meeting at Vicki's house. At one point Vicki came out of the kitchen holding a bottle of Windex to announce that "Vinegar is not just for douching, you know!! You don't need to buy these fancy cleaners!!" I still have no idea what sparked that thought in her mind. After dinner we all read our fortune cookies making sure to add "in bed" at the end of the fortune. Festival meetings at Vicki's house are a lot like Junior High....maybe next time we will do each other's hair and play levitation.

The Entwistle-MacKay traveling circus

Another visit to check on Mom. She's feeling a bit better.

Still a lot of pain, as you can imagine after repairing four discs in her back.

I think we tired her out today. Jen, Bret, Joey, Malikai, Wyatte and I visited together. We played with the rubber gloves and ate Mom's food.

An Eppich Party!

Lisa one upped us.. she brought pear tartlets to our party (which everyone loves). But at her party she brings the big guns. Beef Wellington. Bacon and Fig. Steve brought out the Scotch from our wedding.

*&%ing one uppers...

"This scotch is delicious, Steve... Damn you."

another spanking

Ipswich lost by 23 tonight to Hamilton-Wenham.

Here's Joey at the line doing his patented dribble between his legs, bring the ball around his waist and then shoot his foul shot.

Mom had a tough day today. She's in a lot of pain after her back surgery. Day two is worse than day one they say. We hate to see her like that.

More breaking news!

As if Trudi doing well on her surgery wasn't enough excitement....my shipment of books from Hodges Figgus arrived today!! I know everyone was on edge waiting to see if we would have a repeat of the Scotland Tragedy (as it is now known. See June 29th aka "Black Tuesday" as it is referred to in literary circles). I think they used an entire roll of packing tape. Well done, HF!!!

long day for Trudi

Mom had her surgery on her discs today. Five and a half hours in the operating room.

She did well. I tried to keep her amused by playing with all the medical instruments and supplies while we waited for our turn in surgery. I set off the alarm on the pulse rate machine and blew up rubber gloves into balloons. It passed the time while we waited. I was more nervous than she was.

Mom will be in the hospital a few days and then she'll be in a rehab facilities over the holidays, which is a bummer. Thanks to everyone for your well wishes...

1 Pink Nightmare, 1 Pretty in Pink

Mom found this Ralphie bobblehead for us. You can see a scenario where Ralphie hated his Aunt's homemade clothes so much that he turned to the drink.

Jennie and I went to Mom's tonight for Pizza. Mom will have her back operated on tomorrow to correct a couple of degenerative discs. I hope this will fix the pain she's been going through the past couple years. She tougher than any of us. I know I'd whining like a sissy if I was going through the every day pain she's gone through.

Unfortunately she'll be laid up for Xmas. She may not even be home from the rehab facility.

Wish her well. There's no sweeter person than Trudie.

Building Character

In other words, we got our asses kicked.

Ipswich lost their opener by 14 points to North Reading tonight.

Co-Captain Joey looked good. I was especially proud of the cheap shot he gave to a kid by hacking him from behind to prevent a basket. The other coach was yelling for an intentional foul, which wasn't called.

I always believed that if the other team was running away with the game and getting too confident, knock them down a peg with a well timed hatchet job.

Next game Friday.

The other bad part about the game was that the parents of the Captains have to help out. Brenda and I had to sell 50/50 raffle tickets. I hate that job. Walking up to strangers asking for money....I've never been good at it. I wish Diane was there. She could have taken over that role for us.

The party may be over...

...but the hors d'ouvres linger on. Day three: cheese, pate, pear tartlets and onion tart. These were the aging food offerings that I brought to Denise's house for our dvd night. (The 'Lark Rise to Candleford' episode was especially good tonight as Miss Margaret and Thomas the postman finally come to an 'understanding' (that's an engagement for all you 21st century folks) after much misunderstanding.)
Only one more onion tartlet to go and the party will be officially digested.

Maturity Ranking

Dan and Chris know their way around a camera pose... always great to see our newly married friends.

But the party turned into a rumble as Aaron takes a swing at Chris. Tensions reached a fever pitch when Chris "allegedly" took the last pear tartlet from Whitney. Aaron had to come to the defense of his wife. It was a matter of honor ... and pear tartlets....

She proud of her man... and as a peace offering gave Chris the last pear tartlet.

Tony rocked a combination Southwest/Reindeer look. It was a huge fashion risk to combine his new python skin boots with his antler head gear. But as you can see, it totally paid off.

Bret joined the party for the first time as an adult. He and his mohawk were probably surprised to see that there were no other adults at this party. Then again, he's been around us enough to realized that he would be hard pressed to find anyone mature at our gathering.

Which makes me want to create a list; ranking the maturity level of our party guests:

Least mature

Jen - I can't imagine much debate here

Bill - Jen beats me because of her penchant to burp loudly

Dave - really just a large child... a child with a large head

Most mature

Dan - he carries himself with a polish that none of us can touch

Peter - his UK accent makes him seem sophisticated

Aaron - the drop off here is dramatic. Aron only gets this position because he writes about big-boy topics

Martha - would have ranked higher before she told her hitchhiking stories

The greatness of our friends is their ability to zip in and out of high and low brow topics.

Thanks to all for a fun night.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Another Christmas Party has come and gone at Atwood. While this blog can't possibly recap every fun filled moment we will attempt to capture the highlights.
First, of course, is this year's parlor game created by Bill and Photoshop. Everyone loves to see themselves as a cartoon. (that's really how I see myself all the time.) Now guests know what they would look like if they had their own show Saturday morning between Hong Kong Fooey and Super Friends. Movie quotes added to the excitement. How did Bill think that no one would remember "Mom always said, don't play ball in the house!"?

And then - the pear tartlets arrived accompanied by our favorite tart and tartlet - Lisa and Steve.


Steve and Bill obviously had the following text exchange before the party.
"What R U wearing?"
"OMG fab new blk v-nk. You?"
"Was going 2 wear pink shirt, green vest and plaid pants. But also have fab blk v-nk"
This is very subdued for my dude.

A festive overhead photo shot by the party paparazzi.

New comers Jessica and Dmitri fit right in. Jessica is obviously skilled at party socializing and was sure to ask people she met how they knew me. This brought out some oldies but goodies, all relating to my favorite subject (me). Watch for J & D next year!

Too many photos to post so this will have to be a multiple post update.

Party Notes:
Aaron - google points me to Edward Burns "Nice Guy Johnny". Is this the movie you meant?
http://www.niceguyjohnnythemovie.com/

Jessica - the dining room is painted in chocolate pudding by Benjamin Moore
http://www.myperfectcolor.com/Match-of-Benjamin-Moore-1014-Chocolate-Pudding-p/mpc0005365.htm

A Christmas Story

She's with the band... Jennie is a big fan of the local community saxophone band, The Big Sax of Newburyport.

That was just a bad little joke. Really though Newburyport had our Invitation Night. The few weekends preceding Christmas the town is abuzz as the stores stay open late, serve free drinks and create the perfect old tyme holiday mood.

The stores were completely packed. Undeterred, Jen pushed her way through her favorite store, The British Store. She didn't need to buy me any Curly Wurly's (the UK equivalent of Marathon Bars) because I brought home a few from our Ireland trip.

48 hours and one party prepper down

At some point between work and home Bill developed a migraine headache - the worst I have ever seen him. He went directly to bed. I'm not even sure he took off his shoes. I went out to get the Christmas tree by myself but Tendercrop was closed (when did they start closing at 6:30?!?) So needless to say, we are not making a lot of headway in the party preparations tonight other than the batch of chex mix that I whipped up. I think I might be the only person who actually eats chex mix - it seems like sort of a retro party food but I find it addicting and it's my party. (New plan - go to Tendercrop at 9am to get the tree in the morning to give it time to 'fall' before decorating it tomorrow night. My timeline is shrinking!!!)

Meanwhile the camera is in the dark bedroom with Bill and I do not want to sneak around looking for it. I'm a rather noisy sneaker. Instead I'm posting a picture of Bill in happier days sampling the whiskey on one of our snow bound days in Dublin.


Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for Bill.

Welcome Home, Peabody!!

Poor Peabody was left in Kilkenny on the very first day of our trip. With fear in my heart I emailed Yvonne at Butler Court to ask, "Did you happen to find a little monkey in our room?"
All of the joy and happiness of the vacation was hinging on her reply. Thankfully, Peabody was found fraternizing with the cleaning staff (telling them how to do their jobs more effectively, no doubt) so Yvonne bubble wrapped him for his long journey home. I would lying if I didn't admit that it got a little misty in the kitchen when I saw his familiar head peeping out of the packaging. We missed you, Peabody!

We don't have Tennille, but we do have .........

Jennie gives the thumb up which is the universal symbol for "sweet!", while at the same time giving the "C" which is the universal symbol for JOEY WAS NAMED CAPTAIN OF THE IPSWICH HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM! He's actually co-captain. We're really proud of him. He had to give a speech in front of the team on why he should be chosen. I think his speech centered around how you have to be a special leader to overcome the yoke of having parents like Jen and I.

Go Tigers! First home game next Tuesday.

Career tip #155 - don't talk to VP of Sales about drag show

Last night we went to this show to bring in the holiday season. We go to all the Gold Dust Orphan drag shows. They are all campy and crude and really funny. The show is held at Machine, across from Fenway Park. It's other name is The Ramrod and as the name not so subtly suggests is a gay club.

When we went in we got a Ramrod stamp. I didn't think anything more about it until work today.

I was in a meeting with the VP of Sales and he noticed the stamp. I started telling him about the show and remembered that he is a pretty conservative guy. I changed the subject and got back to the hiring update report.

I thought it wouldn't have done my career any good to tell him about the guy who wore a kilt with nothing underneath and how Jen, Stacey and Diane were craning their necks to get a better view of his frank and beans.